


my heaven

by strawbbun



Series: ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ateez ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ [9]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depression, I'm crying wait, M/M, Rare Pairings, Seonghwa loves Woo, Suicidal Thoughts, platonic or romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 20:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18581851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawbbun/pseuds/strawbbun
Summary: "And I-I really want you in my life and I hope that you don't think that you have to change anything about you becauseI love youand you're perfect the way you are,"





	my heaven

**Author's Note:**

> got the phone call part from a song(?) on soundcloud called alexus
> 
> this is basically just word vomit while i project my feelings onto a kpop boy thank u
> 
> (yay rare pairings!)

His phone has been ringing for the entire three hours he's been up here. The air was sharp and brutal at this time of night, the wind feeling like needles on his almost translucent skin. He felt light; almost too light. His sweatshirt was baggy on his frame and his sweatpants were beginning to almost fall off of his hips. He didn't care about that though because he was here. He made it here and he can't turn back now.

He knows he should've left his phone at home. He knows that if he _really_ was going to do it, he would've smashed his phone into a brick wall and left his keys on his bed. He knows that he should've given Seonghwa a goodbye; even if the older couldn't read his farewell. He should've done _something_.

But he was impulsive. The constant tugging on his mind brought him up here. Or was it his feet? Because he mind was screaming at him to get off of that ledge and turn around. To run and never look back. To go _home_ where he'll be safe in his hyung's arms. Where nothing can hurt him; not even himself. Where he'll whisper sweet praises onto his skin and remind him that he's worth something, worth the world.

His phone won't stop ringing. He could easily throw it off of the building and listen to the annoying chime slowly fade out of earshot, but as he held his phone in his shaky hands, a thought crossed his mind. Did he really want this? Did he really want to die? Or did he just want to stop hurting?

He felt his heart stop in his chest as his foot slipped, nearly losing his balance off of the ledge. He came to the sudden realization that he almost just _died_. As simple as that. He could've been gone forever, remnants splayed out on the concrete below him like paint. He could've been gone and out of everyone's hair. He wouldn't be a burden to his hyung anymore. He wouldn't feel the constant pressure from society telling him that he's not enough. He wouldn't have to force himself out of the bed in the morning with aching limbs.

He wouldn't feel anymore.

His phone rung again and maybe that was the turning point for Wooyoung. He didn't know what led him to check his voicemail. Maybe he wanted to be reminded that at least someone will miss him. At least someone will care. It was selfish and so, so stupid, but Wooyoung was selfish and stupid, so could you really blame him?

There. He did it. He clicked on the voicemail.

It was quiet for a few beats until his hyung's voice flowed through the speakers. Wooyoung felt guilt tug at his heart at how _broken_ Seonghwa sounded. _It's all your fault. It's all your fault. It's all your faul-._

"I... I don't know what's been wrong lately, but Wooyoung, I need you to know, I need you to know _right now_ that I love you. Okay? Please don't... Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. I know that shit's been hard lately. I know that it's been tough. Trust me, I know. But I..." Seonghwa stopped speaking for a moment through the static and a quiet sob could be heard on the other end of the line. Wooyoung wanted to hang up so bad. He didn't want to hear his hyung cry over him. His hyung was never one to cry and Wooyoung just wasn't worth his tears. 

Seonghwa's voice faded back on the line, words stuttered through hiccups and tears. "I-I really love things more thanks to you. I mean... I really saw- I saw myself in you, Youngie. And I-I really want you in my life and I hope that you don't think that you have to change anything about you because _I love you_ and you're perfect the way you are," Seonghwa's breathing was deep and heavy as he collected himself. The call was silent for a second before he spoke up again. "I gotta go, okay? Keep shining alright, Woo? You're my heaven," 

The loud beep that followed echoed across the rooftop rung in his ears. The cars below seemed to be so much louder and the wind seemed to be ten times harsher and Wooyoung realized that he doesn't want to be up here. He wants to be in bed, wrapped up in a thousand blankets with his hyung's arms protecting him from the world. 

He didn't want to die.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think :)
> 
> ty for reading


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